Healing & Emotional Expression
Remaining Soft, the Act of Courage
There is something deeply complicated about vulnerability when life has taught you that softness is dangerous.
Especially when that lesson comes early.
When violation introduces itself before safety does, a child learns quickly mhow to survive. She learns silence. Distance. Self preservation. She grows into a woman who carries everything alone because vulnerability feels unsafe.
An assault to not only the body, but an alteration in self perception. The world around her changes. Tenderness feels terrifying, making trust feel like surrender.
But yet, life still asks more of her.
To exist as a woman, even more so as an African woman, in spaces that quietly suggest you do not belong. Navigating unfamiliar lands while carrying the weight of displacement, grief and expectation. To constantly prove herself while trying not to lose herself.
The loneliness. The survival. The exhaustion of always needing to be strong.
It takes a while, to realise that being so guarded is in fact a trauma response. The world has reoriented our minds to think that our experience filters into every aspect of life.
It is incredibly terrifying, do not get me wrong. The first time you choose to trust. To take someone at their word. It can be something as simple as promising to return a call or a promise of meeting up.
It is impossible to go from being fully guarded to being trusting. There are parts of me that still remain guarded from time to time. Because these experiences are deeply rooted. Woven into DNA if you will.
It takes a conscious and repetitive effort to not revert to default setting.
These experiences however got me thinking. If I feel this way, there must be other people who do too. Right?!
Why then do I not make a conscious effort to assist them in rebuilding trust. Because what is life if we do not have community?
Being soft became a choice. A choice despite. Perhaps by the way in which I show kindness, I can make the world a better place one person at at time.
Remaining Soft, The Act of Courage
“If you have ever loved deeply, broken quietly, and healed slowly, you will find pieces of yourself here.”
I am not however naive, I know malicious intents still exist. I know the rose coloured glasses are a lie. The reality is alive and intact.
But what if, in my kindness, I simultaneously heal. Heal parts of me that I never knew were hurting.
What if vulnerability is not weakness. What if it was courage.
It takes a special kind of courage to allow people to see parts of you that are less than pristine. Presentable. worthy.
The irony that we live in a dispensation where it is easier to jump in bed with each other than to lay bare our souls…that is true nakedness.
What feels more remarkable is that women who were denied safety often become safe spaces for others. They listen gently. They hold people carefully. They create room for honesty because they understand what it means to move through the world while feeling unseen.
And despite everything that tries to harden her, she remains tender.
Not fragile. Do not be fooled.
Definitely not weak.
Just. Deeply. Human.
And just maybe, that is the most powerful form of healing: becoming the safe space you once needed yourself.